by Nycitylaker » Tue Jan 28, 2020 9:45 am
Couple of you already saw this on my FB post but I wanted to share with my Laker brethren. Hope it takes as I couldn't share from my phone yesterday fort some reason. Anyway, still shook.
I FOUND THE WORDS
Yesterday’s tragic news of Kobe’s death had millions of his admirers trying to put into words how we felt the moment we heard he passed away in a helicopter crash. So many of us thought, or actually posted to social media, “words can not express” how we felt. After a bad night’s sleep, I’ve found a few.
FAKE NEWS
I spent the rest of the day, after my son called to relay the news, sitting on my living room couch. The first two to three minutes looking to confirm that a tasteless hoax had made its way through the internet and mainstream media would confirm this by not making mention of the story. Initially I went to NBA tv and nothing. ESPN and still nothing. CNN, FOX, et al and not any news. There was a momentary but gut wrenching notion that it was fake news. Indeed I was simultaneously scrolling through Twitter and sure enough the story was already confirmed.
DISBELIEF
My brain wanted to deny what my heart already accepted as fact. Kobe was dead along with eight others. While the internet always gets the story first, it way too often gets it wrong. This is where my brain lives. Regardless of the source, it has learned to research beyond one or two sources until it’s satisfied it can accept it as truth. My heart? Well that’s a different standard. It wants what it wants. I think the vast majority of us struggle with this fact. My heart, I, wanted Kobe to be alive.
SHOCK
At some point in my channel surf the story is confirmed. A helicopter crashed and there were no survivors. Kobe is among them. I am numb. My eyes glazed over. My throat tightened as I continued to flip from network to network for I don’t know what. A feel good story? My phone is blowing up. LA and NYC homies asking if I heard. FB asking how I feel. I oblige and quickly post on my IG/FB/Twitter accounts. A way to connect with those far and close in our collective grief. Words that bond us even if not elegant or poetic. A viral holding of hands. A like that says I see you. A sad emoji that embraces. A broken heart which unites. Still I sit with my tv remote aimlessly looking to connect.
GRIEF
The NBA decides to play the games. It’s disappointing but the harsh reality is that too many dollars are at stake and the $how must go on. That is just a fact and not up for debate. The networks do their best to keep the audience. I do not doubt the sincerity of the pundits. Many knew him. They share antidotes. Most heartfelt. One or two cynical agenda. “I know I said this negative thing about KB but......” or “MJ blah blah blah”. I get it. That’s their job. But then, then they go to the games. The faces of those he played with and against. Those to whom KB was the favorite player. Interviews with rival coaches who can barely get a word out without the voice cracking. Finally my glazed eyes run over. The salty flow my brain has been damming wins out.
MEMORIES
Reality begins to sink in. Acceptance. Twenty years of highlights reels begin to loop. All of them fighting each other inside my head. 81 points. Beating the Celtics. Losing to the Celtics. Dunking on the current Kobe stopper. Yelling the the tv “Don’t fuckin shoot that Kobe!.......I can’t fuckin believe he made that!” “I hate him!” “I love him!” Then my thoughts go to those moments I’ve shared with my son. News of Gigi passing hits home. It hits home even harder. Now it’s about how we connect right? Hardcore fans, parents, daughters. My favorite game was his last. Old and broken, him and I, he still brings his best. I was never going to miss this game. Cristina and my princess are asleep upstairs. I’m front and center in my living room. By myself but not alone. Right before tip-off I get a text. My son was also front and center away at school. We shared that night with everyone who saw that game. Everyone who loved him and hated him. Meaningless in every way except that a legend would play no more. He missed his first 100 shots of the game yet every time he shot we held our collective breath. As the game evolved, he became himself. Bad shot taker. Bad shot maker. He lifted me out of my seat. He began to win over those hated front row seat celebs too cool to show jubilance. Snoop Dog was snoopin. Jay-Z and Beyoncé looked like kids at a party. The game became meaningful even to the most indifferent of the “be seen” on court side fans. And all the while lil Jesus and I exchanged texts as if we were sitting next to each other. Father and son. Connected by technology. Connected by Kobe’s greatness.
FANDOM VS RESPECT
Magic Johnson is and always will be my favorite player of all time. Kobe evolved before my grown up eyes. There is a level of respect he earned from me. Magic was super human to the kid me. To the ignorant me. Kobe brought joy to my son and daughter. That means more to me than my own fantastical view of Magic.
Thank you Kobe Bryant. Thank you Vanessa Bryant for making Kobe a better person. Thank you to his daughters for sharing this man with the world.
RIP KOBE BRYANT, THE GREATEST LAKER EVER